Tainted Memories
by Star-chan
Summary: The sequel to Loving You!!! More than hundred of years have passed... and Konzen didn't come back... or did he?? Sanzo/Goku pairing.
1. Chapter One

Tainted Memories...  
  
Chapter One by Star-chan  
  
Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura-sensei!! And since its already hers it can't be mine...ne?? ...sigh...  
  
Extra Short Summary: The sequel to Loving You!! Reveals what happened after Loving You (obviously). Goku have been waiting for Konzen, but he never came, then he meets up with Sanzo, and doesn't know that Sanzo and Konzen are the same people!! Will Goku ever get back his sun??  
  
Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to Kimie-chan!!! Since she helped me with the title!!! Arigato!! Actually I wanted to make this a one-shot fic, but couldn't wait to post this out!! And since there's still a long way to go I'm posting it now!! But this story will only be around two chapters or so cause I'm afraid I might not be able to finish it up before school starts if its any longer!! And Goku is slightly more mature in this fic... cause after all that happened to him... he should be... ne?? Although not intentional... Enjoy!!  
  
  
  
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" Wait for me... Aishiteru... "  
  
I had waited for you... for more than five hundred years... but you never did came. You didn't come back and find me. At times, the memory of your face had almost vanished from my mind... but as I remembered those words you once told me, those beautiful violet eyes and silky blonde hair would automatically make its way back into my mind. I wanted to continue waiting for you, but somehow, it was released. And it took me far away from there. But know that although I won't be waiting there... I'll be waiting for you forever, in my heart... zutto...  
  
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Blood was splattered everywhere, all over the place, on my hands and on my clothes. And no matter how much time I spent trying to get rid of it, it was still there. I had tried to stop myself from killing people, but I couldn't control myself. Something else was living in my body, and I had no control over it. And it was causing havoc.  
  
I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to kill them, for all those people had died for no reason. No reason at all! And it was me who killed them. Me, as I couldn't control myself and to let that thing appear, it was my fault that they had died. Their agonizing screams could be heard echoing in my ears as my claws slashed into their bodies. All pleas to be spared were ignored by the other me. As much as I wanted to prevent it all, I couldn't stop it. And it was simply painful, knowing what was happening... and being so helpless...  
  
My body then appeared next to the nearest person and I sunk my claws in his body, my other half enjoying the expression on the victim's face and was already impatient for more of it. And the only thing I could do was watch... watch as the victim's face twisted in pain, the horrified look in his eyes, and I heard his last words.  
  
" Onegaii... don't kill my loved ones... Please...... pleas... "  
  
And his body slowly fell to the floor, to join the other dead bodies on the ground... to be another one of my victims. Just another unidentified body after mixing with all the blood of the others. I silently promised him in my heart that I would try not to hurt his loved ones... and before he died, I saw his lips slowly curl up into a small smile. It was as if he saw me looking at him, and he trusted me to protect his loved ones. As his body touched the floor, two small cute girls that were around six and nine years old came running out to the man's body. With tears flowing down both of their faces and with their cracked voice, calling out for their otou-chan that was already dead. Killed by me.  
  
My body moved towards them, and I knew what it was going to do... and I closed my eyes and just hoped, hoped that my other half could just spare the two little girls life, that I could just stop myself this time. And as I waited for their screams to come, it didn't. I slowly opened my eyes, and the scene in front of me was simply wonderful, the two girls were still there and alive. I had managed to fulfill the man's wishes. Even more, it meant that I had managed to stop my other half.  
  
But then my body moved again, and I was never prepared for what that came next... my body quickly vanished and reappeared next to the younger girl, sunk in its claws and pulled out the girls heart. I could hear the girl beside me gasp as blood spilled all over her and myself. More streams of tears fell down her already bloodshot eyes as she screamed out for her sister. She looked at me hatefully, full of anger and disgust. Then, she started screaming at me, calling me a murderer... over and over again.  
  
Even as my other half laughed at what the girl said, I knew I was guilty and I accepted her words... knowing that I was a murderer, a murderer who killed without mercy and could even laugh into my victim's face. Although my body was already itching to attack the girl, I held my other half back. Determined not to give in this time, as I still wanted to fulfill my promise... even though only half of it. And I forced my body to turn around and leave the almost empty village. Taking all the girl's words with me...  
  
" You heartless murderer!!!!! I hate you!!! "  
  
Those words were already engraved in my head as I walked away, without taking a single glance at the horrendous site I had created... for a heartless murderer I was.  
  
  
  
  
  
I slowly walked through the deserted forest, my other half not active then for no victims were in sight. My stomach was already growling in need of food and my other half immediately reacted. I appeared next to a small bird and grabbed it with my sharp claws. It was stuck in my grip, with no way out... and the next moment, it was already dead. Even a small little bird could not live its life.  
  
Then, my eyes came upon a small figure from the side of my eyes. The figure was walking alone, about fifty meters away from me. My body automatically moved nearer to the figure, having seen a potential victim. At lighting speed I reached the figure, and I hid on top of a tree behind him. Waiting for the right moment to attack him, and I got a look at him. He had stunning blonde hair and was wearing a beige-colored outfit. He also had some kind of writings adorning his shoulders, and that was all I could see being in my position.  
  
He reached a tree and started turning around to rest below the tree. As he turned around, my other half knew it was the perfect time to attack the man and my body leaped through the air towards the man. But, as I reached the man, a gun was aimed at my face... and, at that moment... violet eyes met gold. I was mesmerized in the man's violet eyes that looked so utterly familiar and unlike me, he took the opportunity to attack me. The papers adorning his shoulders flew around me and trapped me in the middle. Then I lost conscious, with those violet eyes still trapped in my head.  
  
  
  
I woke up to find something that was gripping onto my head tightly, and it was very uncomfortable. I tried to push it off when suddenly I heard a voice.  
  
" You wouldn't want to get it off... "  
  
" ...Doushite???... By the way, who are you?? What have you done with me? "  
  
" Ch... I bring you all the way here and I don't even get a thanks... You ungrateful brat... I just gave you a youkai limiter, you dumb saru! Running around attacking all the people in sight... Do you know how much damage you could have caused??"  
  
" Sou ka... arigato. "  
  
" Hn... '  
  
" ................................. "  
  
He didn't say anything else and just sat there, by the table with his specs at the bridge of his nose while reading the newspaper he had took out from his sleeves. He looked intently into the paper and I took the chance to study the man in detail. He had his robes half down, revealing smooth black leather underneath and was sitting with his legs crossed.  
  
" He used to do the same thing you did, in the same style... " I suddenly blurted out, ignoring his weird stare.  
  
" He would take his papers and look through them, then he would slowly plant his stamp carefully... and everything would be perfect. Then I would run in the room, with flowers in my hands... and call out his name... " I continued, not knowing where all these words came from, but it all felt familiar.  
  
" He would sometimes scold me, but he still smiled in the end... I know he did. "  
  
There was an uncanny silence in the room, and then, he slowly took off the spectacles and finally asked me.  
  
" Who was he? "  
  
"............... I don't know... I don't remember..."  
  
  
  
~~ End of Chapter One ~~  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Minna!! How was it??? Please drop a review or comment at star_foreva88@hotmail.com !! Tell me how was it!!! Onegaii!! Hope you still enjoyed it though, no matter how bad it was!!  
  
Chris: Arigato for reviewing Loving You!!!!!!! This is more!!! Hope you're still reading this though!!  
  
Gokugurl: Wai!!!!! Hontou ni arigato!!!! Yup this chapter is dedicated to you!!! Arigato for helping me with the title!! Some more you call me to update one!!! And have reviewed all my stories although it seriously sucked...*sob sob* Arigato!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you decide a new title remember to tell me too!!  
  
Minna!!! Arigato for reading my fic(that is if anyone reads it)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *bows head* 


	2. Chapter Two

Tainted Memories...  
  
Chapter Two by Star-chan  
  
Disclaimer: Saiyuki will never ever belong to me... sob sob. It belongs to Kazuya Minekura-sensei, the talented owner of all these handsome bishounens... sigh... if only she drew more intimate pictures of Sanzo and Goku!! Hehee...  
  
Extra Short Summary: The sequel to Loving You!! Reveals what happened after Loving You (obviously). Goku have been waiting for Konzen, but he never came, then he meets up with Sanzo, and doesn't know that Sanzo and Konzen are the same person!! Will Goku ever get back his sun??  
  
Author's Note: Wai!!!!!!! Finally finished this chapter!!! Dedicated to all you lovely people who reviewed!!! Hontou ni arigato!!! Happy New Year!!!! Enjoy!!!!  
  
  
  
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" Do you really want to do this? "  
  
" Yes, I'm sure! After what I've done to him, just using my life as an exchange is nothing. And I want him to get back all that I'd took from him... I want him to be happy, once again. To be able to love and to be loved back... "  
  
" If you're that determined, I won't stop you then. Just that you may die, you know... It's a huge risk to take. "  
  
" I don't mind the risks... "  
  
Yes... I don't mind the risks... as long as he's happy...  
  
  
  
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"............... I don't know... I don't remember..."  
  
" Ch... Stop lying, you dumb ape! "  
  
" I'm not!! I really don't remember... but somehow I know that he had violet eyes and blonde hair... just like yours. "  
  
" Hmph........... "  
  
" Then somehow later, I was in this cave, all alone. He said that he would come back and find me... he asked me to wait for him. And I promised him... that although it would take a million years or more, I would wait for him, forever. And I did! I waited for him for more than five hundred years... but he didn't come. "  
  
" Ch... He was just fooling you! "  
  
" IIE!! He wasn't... He wouldn't lie to me... "  
  
" But he didn't return... did he? "  
  
" He would!! I knew he would... But then, I heard this voice. It kept on saying that he would not return to me, and that I was just dreaming hopelessly like a fool. It taunted me over and over again, and made me slowly lose hope... forgetting what he had once said. And I followed what the voice said. It told me that taking off the golden band on my head would help me forget all the pain... and I took it off. "  
  
" Hn... What a stupid thing to do! " The man said again, but I ignored him and continued my story.  
  
" Then, it took over my body. And all I saw was blood... it killed people without mercy, without even taking a single look at its victim before killing them. Leaving me there to watch as my body killed all those people, young and old... none survived. Instead of forgetting all the pain, it increased... And blood never left my hands. The dark red gore, staining my palms... it wouldn't leave me. "  
  
He didn't say anything for a while and just sat there, with his eyes downcast. And wistfully said...  
  
" ... Blood can be washed away... "  
  
  
  
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" Are you sure you're giving it to Konzen? "  
  
" Yes... "  
  
" But then, the chibi might not remember you... You do know that, don't you? "  
  
" Yes, I know. But isn't it better if he doesn't? Then he won't remember what I did to him. And even if I give it to Goku... he'll have a hard time explaining to the blonde. So it's better this way. "  
  
" Sou ka... maybe it is... "  
  
" Kanzeon-sama, please do it! I know what may happen to me, but I don't care! Just do it! "  
  
" Hai hai... I know already. So, may we begin? "  
  
  
  
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He left the room after that, leaving me all alone to think about what he had said... Somehow later, as I was walking around the temple I managed to catch the blonde's name. It was Sanzo. I realized that nobody here knew my name. Even Sanzo didn't ask me. The other monks were talking about him, about why he had brought back such a filthy boy. They were talking about me, saying I was a nuisance... nothing but a burden. And that I was spoiling their temple's reputation. But their words didn't really reach to me, I was just trying to remember the path to Sanzo's room. He had said that blood could be washed off... and it made sense. Somehow, it made me feel better. But he looked slightly depressed as he said it... like something had happened to him, though I doubt he'll tell me what happened.  
  
As I was walking pass the corridors, I heard his voice, coming from a room on my left. I went nearer and looked into the room. Sanzo was standing in the middle of the room, talking to some elderly monks. The monks were talking about me again... the longhaired boy as they referred to me. And there were no other boys in the temple with long hair... right? It was about the temple's reputation again. They told Sanzo to get rid of me... but Sanzo coolly told them to mind their own business, and he turned around to exit the room. I quickly hid behind a pillar and watched as Sanzo headed back to his room. His face emotionless...  
  
  
  
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A few days had passed since Goku saw the incident... He knew that most of the monks there didn't like him, and just tolerated him because of Sanzo. He already knew the way to Sanzo's room clearly, as he had walked there millions of times. But he didn't dare go in. He didn't dare to face Sanzo... afraid of what he would say. However, he was determined to talk to Sanzo this time. He slowly walked while counting his steps, one by one. Knowing that in a few more steps, he would reach Sanzo's room. Finally, he reached there... in front of Sanzo's door, only a few mere seconds to see those pair of striking violet eyes. And he turned the doorknob, only to be greeted by total darkness.  
  
Sanzo was sitting on his bed, with his gun pointed at Goku... ready to shoot the intruder. He realized it was Goku, and silently kept his gun back in its place.  
  
" What do you want? "  
  
" Nothing... Sanzo. There's something I want to tell you. "  
  
" Nani? "  
  
" It's... about... I... I want to leave the temple. " Goku slowly muttered out, waiting for the blonde priest to respond.  
  
" ... Why? " Sanzo looked at Goku questioningly, waiting for an answer.  
  
" Because I don't belong here... I need to find somewhere where I'm accepted. I want to find back my sun, I. I don't want to be alone... "  
  
" Sou ka... "  
  
" Then, I shall be leaving. Thank you for taking care of me, Sanzo... Sayonara. "  
  
Goku turned around and took his first step in leaving Sanzo's room. He knew that he had to go... Sanzo wasn't his sun. No matter how much they looked alike. But he couldn't help but wish. Wish that somehow... Sanzo would be his sun. However, Sanzo didn't prevent him from leaving... he didn't say anything. And now, he was already leaving the room. Still hoping that Sanzo would stop him... would suddenly call out his name. But that wasn't possible right? Sanzo didn't even know his name. Yet, he longed to hear his name called out in that deep voice, by the lips of a handsome blonde monk.  
  
But it was all a dream. He was still dreaming hopelessly as that voice had said. It was right... He was a fool... a hopeless fool, trapped between the clutches of hope and despair. He knew it, but still he couldn't help but hope.  
  
Then, as he was about to step out of the room, two hands pulled him back strongly into an embrace. Reducing the gap between the two bodies, as the two touched. He could smell the strong scent of cigarettes infuriating his senses, and a single tear ran down his cheek.  
  
" ... Goku... stay with me... "  
  
  
  
~~ End of Chapter Two ~~  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Minna!! How was it??? Gahhhh... I know its OOC... but don't blame me!!!! I didn't know what else to write!! Sigh... I don't even know if I can finish this fic... Anyway please drop a review or comment at star_foreva88@hotmail.com !! Tell me how was it!!! Onegaii!! Hope you still enjoyed it though, no matter how bad it was!!  
  
M-i: Thanks for being the first reviewer!!!!!!!!!!!! *glomps* ...hehe... and if they don't meet... it'll be more sad!!! I can't let that happen...ne??  
  
chris: Hehehe... actually I'm not really sure myself!!! But if he doesn't... then there'll be no continuation!! Hehehe...  
  
cutie-pie16: Arigato for reviewing!!! Hey... where's the picture??? *silver thing glimmering behind Star-chan*  
  
Gokugurl: Wai!!!!! The second chapter arrives... And it does suck!!! In the whole fic of 'loving you'... I only like chapter 1 and 5!! Really!! It sucks!! Don't argue with me!!! It's the truth!!  
  
gallatica: Arigato for the review!!! Me just love it!!!  
  
Minna!!! Hontou ni arigato for reading my fic(that is if anyone reads it)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *bows head* 


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